The Moment Of Regret-Part One

I really did something bad I think a long time ago.
It was awful. And she was awful too, in her moments. It felt like she was my mother at some points. I don't think anything has clouded my judgement of my memory of her.
She was temperamental, hysterical and kind. I think she had a good heart.

She once told me a story about a woman who pretended to be her friend. One who sent her card with angel wings. Then she promptly stabbed her in the back and caused her pain. Well, on further reflection I wonder how she bended the truth of her story. If maybe in her mind she was a martyr. It certainly feels like her attitude towards me is biased.

I don't pretend to be perfect. I'm far from it. I've hurt people--really hurt people and I'm ashamed to say some of it was intentionally done. That stings really, to see it in print. For someone who can cry at the drop of a hat when it comes to empathy for peoples' pain...that's so contradictory it makes me smile.

I ought to apologize, but I'm hesitant.
I didn't mean for things to get so complicated. We won't speak ever again but you won't forget me no matter how hard you try. Or maybe you will. Maybe I'm not worth your time.
Either way I wish her well. She finally did pursue her dreams and maybe I had a small part in it. I'd like to think so.

We really are self-absorbed.

Around the World in Twenty Minutes

Interesting. Trying to write at least once a day. It hasn't been going very well. I secretly hope this blog isn't read by the masses. It's not like I'm worried that some creep is going to like my mind and stalk me all around the internet. But there just isn't anything I want to share until I've edited it, spell checked it and given it a home. ( Publisher, or garbage receptacle)

Had brilliant idea for a story and then it fizzled out. I want to write something that hasn't been written before ( naturally ) but even if it's been analyzed to death I could spin it a certain way. Which brings me to The Island Of Eve. Such a good title, but I don't know how I feel about dealing with clones and mass destruction. I don't want to go all Judy Blume about it and start writing about my first sexual experiences ( which frankly wasn't that hot) or Meg Cabot with her sparkly books that scream cotton candy and pink. I also want to avoid the typical: girl is bullied, girl bullies, girl becomes sick, girl finds out she is dying, makes friend with the girl she's been bullying, learns about life. Which actually sounds pretty good to me. Moral of the story: a shitty book and kids hate the whole life-lesson thing. Dear Liza. Oh God. Am I seriously contemplating this? I like reading fantasy books too but how long can I take writing about a dandelion that speaks? I really had that idea as a kid. Talking flowers. Wrote it all down in Sunday School classes. Got made fun of real quick. It sounded like a good idea in my head.

Things I like to write about:
- fantasy
-ghost stories/supernatural ( there is no need for vampires or werewolves)
- relationships

Things I despise:
- vampires and werewolves
- love stories featuring vampires and werewolves
- preachy books
- trying to find a proper notebook to write in
- half-written garbage
- political and moral issues
- internet dating
- the weather network
- the word kinesis
- my job serving mediocre food
- my sweet tooth that is doing my belly no good
- writer's block for years